The Way I Am
It was a day like most, up early, work, class then a myriad of annoying errands before rushing home to hopeful homework and praying I sleep through the night without the unwelcomed interruption of some hellish nightmare, paranormal visitor (I'm a bit of a clairvoyant) or my usual always-anxious insomnia; except today, upon my final stop, as I stood, impeccably dressed-complete in my best pretending-to-be-a real-grown-up attire, clinging helplessly to a perfect head of purple broccoli, paralyzed in fear, cowering in the produce section, basket quarter-full of fruits and veggies.....there was that smell.....deliciously musky and horrifying.... like way too much of a terrible perfume my step-grandmother used to give me every holiday as a gift......and I was instantly back in that moment.
I was less than six years old the first time I’d been exposed to a sexual predator……….
Triggers
I was less than six years old the first time I’d been exposed to sexual misconduct, before now it had been a pleasantly distant memory that only plagued me in the wee hours of the morning or on the “rough days” when the memories insisted on staking their claim in my mental and emotional real estate.......this smell.........was.......her smell, the smell I’d desperately tried to scrub from my skin and hair after every encounter......the smell that warned me of impending danger even in the moments I was paralyzed with fear.........the smell that had covertly engrained itself into my memories....I thought I had recovered but I had only survived.
My Life Is My Own
From that realization I flat out refused to continue to be controlled by my trauma, I began to open up about that experiences I’d survived (PROUDLY), I changed my college major (from the safe one I’d chosen) and I decided then and there that if I wanted to recover AND heal, I had some work to do.
Learn my exact steps to self-healing in my post entitled Victory, need some help, head over to my products page for additional support, also let me know how you handle your triggers.
